I wish I could be a fly on the wall at the Ospedale when the Doctors realized what they were up against and what they were going to do about it.
It starts out about like you would expect. Masters of Alchemy and Detrimental Elixirs bring them up to speed on their latest chemistry experiments. Medicine and Necromantic Studies weigh in on the Shocking Discoveries they have made recently about how human bodies (dead and alive) function. Anatomical Diversity has a lot to say on the subject of Rashaar physiology – they even bring pictures! The Energy Manipulation guys have a show-and-tell involving cattle prods and arcthrowers.
All in all, an average Monday meeting at the Ospedale.
And then the Master of Zoology gets his turn…
Grand Master: “So, Zookeeper, what do you bring to the table?”
Master of Zoology: “Crocodiles.”
Grand Master: “Crocodiles?”
Master of Zoology: “Yep. Crocodiles. I mean, we’re up against sea monsters, so we figured why not introduce them to our sea monsters?”
Grand Master: “Interesting. Do you enhance their aggression?”
Master of Zoology: “Oh, we don’t need to do that. They’re plenty ornery enough right out of the shell.”
Grand Master: “So you don’t make them more aggressive?”
Master of Zoology: “I never said that. That’s what the cattle prods are for. The Aether-Psychology boys did a great job on those, by the way.”
Grand Master: “Well, what did you do then?”
Master of Zoology: “OK, you know how the other departments have been dissecting and studying the Rashaar? They have to do something with what’s left. And since we’re in a unique position to dispose of bodies or parts thereof, we volunteered.”
Grand Master: “So you fed the bodies to the crocodiles? Big deal. What are we paying you for, again?”
Master of Zoology: “You didn’t let me finish. Yes, we fed the bodies to the crocodiles. And it turns out the crocs think they’re delicious. So we just take a few of them out with a couple guards with cattle prods – they think people taste good too, but the cattle prods keep them on their best behavior. Anyway, the theater commander sees Rashaar activity in the canals and they just point at it and say ‘all you can eat seafood buffet.’ Then they just let the crocodiles do what comes naturally.”
Grand Master: “How effective are these things?”
Master of Zoology: “It’s kind of a mixed bag. The majority of Rashaar they simply eat alive. They’re less effective against the larger, stronger ones and the wizards, but who doesn’t? Our theater commanders have ways of dealing with the wizards. And, once the crocs are in the canal the lab assistants have a fighting chance against the bigger targets.”
Grand Master: “How about humans?”
Master of Zoology: “They do reasonably well against humans. One-on-one, a croc is more than a match for most humans. You should see what a pair of crocodiles backed by a couple of lab assistants can do to a church – it’s a thing of beauty. The problem lies in numbers. We just don’t have enough of them. Or cattle prods, for that matter.”
Carnevale © TTCombat